Are We Exclusive... Yet?

April 22, 2015 Fajar 0 Comments



Men, in general, seem to abide by an urban myth that wants us girls to be looking for a complicated relationship, full of drama because, apparently, we need the drama to make a relationship work. And up to a point I cannot contradict that! There is something beautiful that comes with the exquisite pain that comes with loving someone completely unattainable. But, in most cases that's not true. The truth is, that us girls, just like most guys (as far as I can tell) are looking for something easy going, something fun and relaxing; and for the record, when girls say that, it doesn't mean that (a) we are lying to get guys to like us and (b) that we are looking for just sex. So since this is what I am looking for, you can imagine how excited I was that I finally found it... until I wasn't so sure anymore.

The details of how I met Serge are probably irrelevant in this post, but in short, with an almost 20 year difference, I never thought he would be someone that I would like so much, but most importantly who would like me back. Long story short, getting to know him was pleasant and relaxing. I would always look forward to the next time we met and even though I wasn't sure how much I liked him when all this started, I found myself growing more and more fond of him as time went by. And that's the least of it; the best part of it all was probably the effortless communication with him. For the first time I didn't catch myself wondering whether I should text him first, what time and how often. I would just do it. And so would he. So you can imagine my enthusiasm for this fling; I didn't worry about anything; it was convenient and easy going. I was never distracted from my work or my life and he would just fit nicely into everything. With a crazy-busy daily routine like mine, he would give me the best break.

 
So if you are having a great time, who needs to label it? Let alone that it was too soon to even talk about calling it official, I didn't even care what it was. I was having a great time and there was no need to think about anything else. A quick note: I am using past tense, not because things have necessarily changed, but simply because currently, I am not too sure about the situation anymore; not like I was a week ago at least. When my friends started asking questions about where this is going, I didn't have  an answer, and it is probably one of the very few times in my life that I wasn't taking it slowly; I just kept thinking, if I'm having a great time now, why risk changing this? Admittedly though, I was the first one to ask if he was dating other women while we were dating; at the time not because I particularly cared, but because I was just curious. When he asked if I was, I told him about Patrick; a guy I used to meet just for sex from time to time and couldn't even stand him when we tried to have a conversation. 

The first time I felt that I wanted to be exclusive with Serge was about two weeks ago. Nothing had changed, I just felt that since I started to like him so much, I didn't want to date anyone else. I wasn't sure if I wanted to tell Serge yet, but I told Patrick. When he texted to meet up, I told him that I was dating someone else and didn't want to see him anymore. Of course I never told Serge that, not yet anyways. I figured that if I wasn't sure if I wanted to ask him if we were exclusive yet, there was no reason to bring up the fact that I stopped seeing my fuck buddy. The first time I felt like I wanted to ask him if we were exclusive was a few days ago. I spent a pleasant afternoon at this place, and I recall myself opening my mouth a couple of times to ask him but the words just wouldn't come out. It's a miracle I would come up with some other topic of conversation on the spot and he didn't think I was some kind of retard who opened her mouth in mute. So by night time I was back home, and I still hadn't told him: I figured I better stop trying before I ran out of conversation topics and remain mute with my mouth hanging open. 

Now I realize, that was my window to say it and maybe I just missed it. After that, Serge took off for a weekend on a business trip and the effortless communication I had with him just vanished. I didn't hear from him for five days and when he finally got back to me with an obvious lie of forgetting his phone for five days in London while he was away, I wasn't sure where I was standing anymore. With my end of year exams approaching and the amount of work I need to do, another typical guy drama is the last thing I need. Of course I would never dare tell him anything about not getting in touch with me, or show him that I was pissed off; I figured since we never called it exclusive and since I don't know how he sees our dating situation, I don't have a right to complain. But now, a few days later, I can't help but wonder: Do I still want to ask him if we are exclusive because I like him or have I started feeling so insecure about this that I find the need to put a label on it for the ease of my own mind? And even worse, if I still want to ask him if we are exclusive, could it be that I just missed my chance and now I can't tell him anymore?  And how can I even dare to talk to him about it, when I can't make up my own mind?

  Most times I usually come up wit some kind of conclusion by the end of the post, but in this case I'm not so sure about anything. If this turns out to be just another typical dating failure which will make me swear off men for at least a few more months, then I'd rather find out sooner rather than later and save myself some time. But how can you even tell before it's too late? By now I know that I won't be able to find any answers to my questions until it's too late. I guess that the only thing you can do in this case is sort out your priorities, and a complicated dating life is definitely not one of mine right now. So maybe I need a time limit, say a couple of weeks or so, and if by then things are not clear for me, I'll just end it; because I might not know where I'm standing right now, but what I do know is that I am not looking for yet another complicated situation in my hands.

 What's your point of view? Do you have any suggestions for this case or have you been through any similar experiences? Did you manage to find the right time to say what's on your mind?

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