Being the other woman

December 07, 2013 Fajar 0 Comments

  I have a list of all the blog posts I am doing, one right after the other… and this one was nowhere on the list. I had to write this post though because of what I realized today. My most popular article is by far ‘Will he ever leave hisgirlfriend for you?’ and you will not believe how many people read that each day… and how many emails I receive asking me about that. I was under the impression that I’m one of the few girls that experienced what it’s like being the other woman and thinking he will leave his girlfriend for me. But I just found out otherwise.  I get emails on a daily basis, all asking me the same thing in a hundred different ways: ‘He said he loves me…’ , ‘He doesn’t love his wife anymore, he said he’ll leave her…’, ‘He is staying with her for a little while longer because she’s going through a rough patch’, and the list is endless. They all finish with the same question however:  ‘Do you think he will leave her for me?’… It just breaks my heart every time I have to answer the same thing to them: ‘No he won’t!’

 I decided to write this post to all those women out there, who think that he will leave his girlfriend for them and who are, what is commonly known as, the 'other woman'. I know exactly how you feel and I know how hard it is. I’ve been through that and I’m still not over it, but we can’t keep telling ourselves the same lie over and over again because we think something is going to change. It’s not easy to admit, but here is what it feels like being the other woman:

1.       You will always come second: I know how bad this is. But whatever happens, he’s going to put his girlfriend/wife first. He will run to her first, he will cancel on you with the first little thing that might come up that will involve her.  He might genuinely love you, he might even love you more than her, but she’s the priority.

2.       There’s so much sneaking around: It just feels like you are doing something illegal ALL the time!! You meet up with him after midnight, you have to leave before the sun comes up, he can’t take a call from you in public, and he can’t even answer a text from you most of the time. You probably can’t call him most of the time because he doesn’t want you to do so, in case someone else is there and sees it. It’s infuriating, it’s humiliating and frankly it’s exhausting!

3.       You are ‘the other girl’: Whatever happens, even if he breaks up with his girlfriend at some point (which won’t happen for the reasons you are hoping it will), you will always be the other girl. You will be the girl that he cheated on with. No one will approve of you in his world. If he can’t have his friend’s or family’s approval your relationship will never last. And even if you don’t care about what others think, deep inside he thinks that way too: You were the woman that didn’t mind sleeping with someone who was in another relationship.

4.       Are we really that special? Let me tell you, Mat said he loved me more than her. And I know I probably shouldn’t have believed him, but I did. But even if he meant it, two years ago I was nothing. I was just a girl, out of anyone he could have chosen, that he was sleeping with. And it sounds bad, but I said ok because I didn’t care. I wanted to have a good time… never in a million years did I think it would lead me here!  So no, he didn’t choose me. I just happened to be there, I wasn’t even that special. But I was there for way too long, so we ended up getting attached.

5.       We are sharing him: I don’t know why this didn’t come up earlier on the list. But this is the most tragic part! While for us the idea of sleeping with someone while we are so deeply attached to them is just unimaginable, he is more than conveniently sleeping with his girlfriend and there is nothing we can do about it! We know it’s happening even though we might not be admitting it to ourselves. We love them so much, we pretend it’s not even an issue, but it is. It’s the biggest issue in the whole fucked up situation.

6.       We know this will end up bad: we know we will get hurt. Subconsciously we do, even though we don’t admit it even to ourselves! We hope and dream and we get so caught up in it, that we forget that what awaits for us at the end of the tunnel, it’s not light, it’s hell! It’s just more and more pain, on top of the pain of being the other woman. It’s a pain that we know it’s unavoidable, but we put it off as long as we can by staying there, being the other woman.

In a nutshell, that’s how the other woman feels. It’s horrible and painful and we are so addicted to the exquisite pain of wanting someone so unavailable to us that we tend to overlook all the disadvantages. I know how amazing and heartbreaking it can feel at the same time. At this point I need to repeat myself and say how shocked I was by how many people are in the same position as I was. I feel every single woman’s pain that emails me and asks me about that. It just breaks me to have to tell her ‘he will never leave her’, but I have to be honest with you. I have to let you know that he won’t and you can postpone the pain of leaving him all you want…. But just know that you can’t avoid it.

Does any of you have anything to add to my list? Is there something I left out? Comment and tell me how you feel. CLICK HERE TO LIKE MY FACEBOOK PAGE
Note: There was a problem with the comments section, but now it’s fixed and you can comment anonymously if you want! 

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