Why are we still single?

April 29, 2013 Fajar 0 Comments





   Most of my posts tell the story of guys that I used to date and how it all turned out to be a disaster. This post however is not about one particular guy, but rather about why we are still single. This post is about us, and about how we see dating, what we do wrong and what we expect from guys. I have to say from now that I have no specific answer to that question, but what I do have is a set of theories on why we are still single (or rather, a bunch of questions taking over my mind), and I hope you can relate to at least one of them. Personally I can relate to most of them!

  I believe that one of the most important reasons that we are still single is the fact that most of us are stuck on that one guy, who is unavailable (either in another relationship, too old or is just not interested in a relationship). Most of you will scoff and deny that you are that kind of girl. But wait a minute, take a deep breath and think about it. Can you honestly tell me that you have never (at least at some point in your life) fell for a guy that was completely wrong for you? And can you deny that you spent at least a few months obsessing over that guy and hoping that somehow things would magically change and he would end up with you? It is my personal belief that women are programmed to fall for someone completely wrong for them, at least once in their life. Maybe that’s nature’s way of making us tougher and more tolerant. (Personally I made that mistake more than once). The big question however is why – Why do we fall for these guys? Are we so hopeful that we believe that maybe he will be the one, even though we can tell from the very beginning that he is bad news? Or do we have so much faith in ourselves that we see it as a mission, and we believe that we have to make this guy right for us, that we can change him for us, even though all evidence point to the contrary? No matter what the answer is to that question (and I have no answer, so if you do please comment and tell me!), the point is that we spent months, and possibly years stuck on that guy, who never ends up with us. He either ends up as an eternal (and eligible) bachelor, or with someone else, and we are left wondering why he didn't choose us!  My experience with Nick is a great example: I got so hung up on a guy for three whole years, in a situation that I knew I would never gain anything from, but I was still there, unwilling to get out and save myself!
   
  Another question that pops up in my mind every now and then is: “Do we have high expectations?” Are we still single, because we are expecting the knight on the white horse to come in and sweep us off our feet? Do we really believe that we can find that Mr. Perfect who will adore us and treat us like a princess, be gorgeous and always say the right thing at the same time, always agree with us and be our hero? And if we do believe that he’s out there, why can’t we find him? When it comes to men, I do have high expectations, but experience taught me that Mr. Perfect is nowhere to be found. I want to believe that my high expectations source from the fact that I was brought up by an amazing man, who set a great example on how a man should treat me, hence I will not settle for anything less. However, no one is perfect! The point is not to find the perfect person, but seek for the perfect connection with that imperfect person. And ladies let’s not forget, none of us is perfect. Are we really expecting to find the perfect person who will put up with our moaning and complaining and all our imperfections and never get fed up or upset about it? I don’t think so! Having high expectations is not necessarily a bad thing, but we have to be realistic! Someone once told that the flaws are the best part… you have to love someone not despite of their flaws, but because of their flaws as well!
 My other theory on why we are still single has to do with the places we are looking for that one person. We all have our type of guy that we are into. For example, I might be 20 but I am into older guys. So I don’t expect to find the type of guys I like at university or at any university parties. I will probably find them at certain bars in London, usually not at nightclubs, or at certain restaurants/cafes. So depending on your type of guy, you have to hang out at the right places, where they hang out as well, if you are hoping to meet them.













 Lastly, I want to briefly bring up my last theory, which I've discussed in more depth in one of my previous posts. A reason for still being single could be the fact that we had past traumatic experiences with men, which left us heartbroken and made us become emotionally unavailable. A good example of this would be my experience with Ethan (from my previous post on ‘How much pain can we take before we become emotionally unavailable?). Ethan was an amazing guy, with whom I simply couldn't fall in love with, because I had my heart broken before so many times that I was too scared to commit.

  Despite all my theories of why we are still single, we have to consider the possibility that finding the right person just didn't happen yet. So maybe we should stop obsessing over finding that one perfect person for us, and think about the possibility that maybe we are the ones that have to rescue ourselves and not wait for the knight on the white horse to come and ride off into the sunset with us! Maybe we should learn to depend more on ourselves, and if we happen to find that one perfect person, well then that’s amazing. If not… we should just learn that we can count on ourselves for everything.

I hope you enjoyed this post and keep coming back for the next ones. Comment and tell me if you have any more theories on why we are still single and in general what you think of my blog!
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